I am learning to sail my own ship....
“I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship.” ― Louisa May Alcott, Little Women
Letting go of paralyzing fear is not the easiest thing to do. Living with anxiety is like living without the ability to live for yourself. I have lived this way most of my life... despite everything that I have done. The survival to push and succeed came from my parents. I started modeling at age 14... and did that through age 35. Even with marriage, a husband and three children arriving, I studied art and finished my degree with a major in commercial art. I worked for an advertising agency for 10 years as head artist...and I was so happy at work. It was a dream come true. I went back to get my teaching certificate and then I taught school. I LOVED teaching school encouraging children to step out of their comfort zone to learn and push the edge. Then came my art... painting and finding my way through the expressive zone of sharing what is inside of me on my canvas.
Despite the underlying fear that tried to hold me back, that mode to survive and be the best I could be would propel me forward... God was the wind behind my sails. Even at my worst point in life in my first marriage, I remember standing in the front of our home in Ft Thomas KY, in October... windy fall afternoon and leaves swirling around me... praying because i was so afraid I was paralyzed and could not even push past it. I heard God speak to me that day. His words rang through my body and my heart deep into my soul. "You can do this. I will walk beside you."
I remember looking around because the voice seemed loud and right there with me. I barely remember what happened after that but my life took a definite right turn and the winds picked up and I sailed forward. This is over 25 years later from that day. I am learning finally how to sail my ship... my very own ship. You know what... it is scary but exhilarating at the same time. God is at the wheel right next to me.
I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:15